HAAZ II

continuation.. So i propose….do your worst…have me think about…you all the time…have me get confused as I tred down the side walk…have me kick bucket…..oh just to be sure; a KFC chicken bucket…out of thoughts of course….what did you do to me huh? I gave myself a week…or rather a fortnight… To get over you…but you’re still a brain worm…wriggling in my meninges many a time…I cannot grasp the works of the surrounding….you made me a walking dummy…and to think that I can’t have you…I couldn’t have you even if you were not mine from the beginning… It’s like a dog dancing to a suspended bone…salivating … Frustrated… We were never on the same page…and even if we were…you were a title…I was just the blurb I guess…you took life way from me…I don’t even yearn for fun anymore…you closed a huge chapter in my life and you don’t even know it…but what does life offer anyway…religion…education…hurt…I feel pale…anxious about everything….a mention of your name and I perspire…you’re like an adrenaline injection…but I’m still Jules… and you’re still….whatever your name was… ™CAPPA 2018

IMPERFECT STRANGERS.

Once upon a time we used complete each others sentences… Everything seemed so fine… Our emotions were like hell fire…..it seemed like we had the same eyes….because we never saw anything differently… So tell me… Why don’t you call anymore… Tell me… Why you are so unreal….you enclosed me in the tanks of darkness….. ..i couldn’t even breath in the amidst of hurt and conjunctivitis…. Have you ever stepped on a wet spot after wearing socks?? Have you ever… Held out your hands to a child and they pulled away…
Have you ever…. Called your dog by its name and it went to someone else… A stranger for that matter…. I have worked on my looks a million times… But it feels like its charred every single time I see because… You don’t recognise me…. It’s like trying to swallow a ball of pricks…
It’s like getting carried away from peeling the skin off my pinky finger…
It’s like… Suffocation in a cruel obsession called love… And there’s nothing one can do about it…..it’s like you train yourself not to see the good in me every time… Every time I ever cared you disappeared into the depths of yourself…..and I was so blatantly sick and blinded by my pursuits… Knowing that I was not good enough… I’ll never be good enough… And I wish I could just go numb… My thoughts… You know… say nothing for a time…..just run my fingertips along this edge of the human-shaped emptiness is slowly creeping inside me… If hurt was a choice you wouldn’t get hurt even if you wanted to…
Or maybe if you did… You’d bleed… Elegantly… Like the rich do.
*IMPERFECT STRANGERS*
*Cappa Jules 2018*

Haaz.

I was perfect… You were perfect… We were perfect… We were little benign pimples… But you grew and became a boil…. We were little… Growths…. But you grew and became a cancer…. We were little flues easily manageable… But again you grew… To become the dreadful ugly tuberculosis…you changed…. You had given me remedy and great relief… But then you took it all away… Rendering me very prone… To hurt… To tears… To puffy eyes… To a broken heart… I felt like swallowing cement…. To be honest… I still do… To plaster my broken and shredded heart…..you see you’re the conniving kind… The kind that pretends to solve a problem.. But instead… You only solve the symptoms… Hence giving time for the problem to make an advancement… Away from our vicinity of course… You see you’ll pretend to drown… Then pull the one trying to save you down with you……you see I feel like a dog… A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself….. That shows you unconditional love…. they say…..
To be continued…
*Haaz*
*©Cappa Jules 2018*

In my feelings.

I think I love death… Given a chance I’d wish for it every single day…. Every single minute… Every single second that I breathe…. In death is peace…. No responsibility… No love… No heartbreak… No studies…. No thoughts…. No paranoia…. Just death…..
I envy the dead….
Man I’m so damn jealous…. That they get so much attention than even the ones not living…. I mean… It’s a free ride…in your own hearse… And of course they escort you like some body guards… …. Alone…. In your own coffin…. You don’t have to ask for space…. Everything has been done for you… They’ve cleaned your body… They’ve shaved your hair… And of course have made you not stink… Clipped your nails… … Made you a three piece suit… I’m jealous…
They have people give them flowers…. All my life…. I have had no guy give me flowers…. Only the thorns…. Of a rose…. The pricks that you’ve given my heart… I even don’t know why I am alive right now…. At least if I’m dead I would have your attention..
It’s like a thorn in my soft flesh… Looking at you not look at me like you used to… At least even turn your head?? … Like you did…. It’s like a piece of speck in my eye…
At least dead people get a priests attention… At least dead people have people from all over come to see them laid to rest… Actually they have no choice…
Listening to you say… That you don’t love me..like you used to.. . It’s like a bee drowning in its own honey… Tell me… How does it feel when you have a choice? How does it feel when you have to rub it to my face that you can’t, won’t, will never, love me again…. How does it feel seeing me swallow hard because I’m dumbfounded… How does it feel when you make me weak from my knees…. How?
At least dead people are told…. I loved you… We loved you… At least dead people have people write their story… And least dead people have people cry for them…they have people remember them… At least the day they died??
Dead people have people talk about them.. Don’t they?
*In my feelings😓*
*Cappa Jules 2018*

Dear human
Don’t get too excited as im coming for your soul
You think the dead get favoured,trust me its a big No.
All those nice things they say to you because you will be gone
Truth is they love it when you are a ghost.
There is someone at your job because you died
Someone married your lover why,you died
A new baby boy came because you died
Thank you is what the living say when you died.
IM DEATH
I will take you the day i love
You will never have enough
Life make sure you live as i never exist
I make sure you die like you never exist.
Im the bridge between heaven and hell but mostly hell.
R.I.P
Are you sure you love me?

Masufuria.

Oh death…. Make me a ghost…
One with melanin… For that matter….. I don’t wanna be a sissy white ghost… Yes I do love you… Believe me… Make me a sooty smoky black ghost.. I want to haunt him for all eternity… I want to pitch and discolour his chimney… You know… I want to choke him with confusion… The dead are dead… The living are just so absolute like a pile of contradictions..
At least as a ghost I’ll monitor my love… I will be omnipresent… Take me…not the day you love but now…

Cappa