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Help.

Dark night…
Flash skies…constellations…
I make my way…I make my way as time flies…
Thoughts cross my mind as my inner self constantly reminds them to look left and right…

They choke me…constantly tell me to tap out…
Enigmatic…
Life is a reversal of all my thoughts and expectations….
My brain with its voices subjected to expeditions…
Deep pursuit for the purpose of life…..
And the dilemma weaves webs in my brain…
And I am trapped inside……unable to pull myself out….
I am trying to focus on what is real….
A cliche how my life I feel…
I think about leaving but my heart tells me otherwise…
But before I have a choice, how could I know?

Cappa.2018

BELLS🔔

He rescued me from the phase where I used to have crescent moon shaped scars on my palms…..from digging my nails in.. every time i clenched my fists….. He told me that……i should quit being a vendetta in everyone’s insane story…that I should stop inviting people in my life…..that it triggered my rage about being born on the wrong sides of the world……that I should take it easy….. avoid being zonked from all my thoughts……
He showed me so much love… I forgot my own name…….thoughts of him entangled my little brain like a maze game….and in the voices of my head….from me grew fame… I wanted him to be mine……no heck he was mine…I wanted him to be my boo….no wait….my dad…I wanted him to be my dad….see boyfriends come and go…husbands come and go….but dads are forever……I want him to be my forever…… He opened some sort of vein in my body….because thoughts of him just make me rupture into tiny spasms as I think of……his eyebrows raised at me…and he bites his lip….as he looks at me…..and I feel his breathe…on me……as I give him my innocence… With the stroke of his fingertips on my skin…..he initiates me to the best kind of feeling a 21 year old could feel….
A feeling of mental confusion….infused with paralysis from love…
The end.
™Cappa Julie 2018
Revolve or die.

Non exposé

~PART2~

And you had something…to live for… Or rather something to live with..and you wanted him for yourself… Until….the crisis on earth came…and the once known gold mines of your brain ruptured and you became sick… You uterably became stupid… And you went back to the same you…..the one that used to have conversations with their own brain… Funny that your brain had a million characters.. Each with a million voices… So basically you were a walking stadium of berserk spectators… He had broken you…his karaoke stick had made you weak in the knees because he had “hit those things”…. And you disgusted him…he was blatantly sick of you….but the only mistake you’d done was love him…dangerously…. And given him immense attention when he needed it…
So you left his house…and walked…in your hand was a rusty old knife… And in you mind….thoughts…You had looked close enough and realized that the pain of a love that had left but hadn’t died still hurt even more… Just because it was a love that would never be….it was only an illusion…. And you’d fix it….the romeo and Juliet style…. Only with more sophistication maybe…
So you sat on the wooden bench by the park..and held out your knife…and scrapped off the mud off your boots… And you stood…went back to fight for your love…. With Ado.
THE END.
™ Cappa Julie.
Revolve or die

None exposé.

What happened.
What happened to the time when you used to stare at the empty ceiling for hours ….watch the moths do a salsa as they mock your lonesome….and you mumbled to yourself of how the world loathes you and all your endeavors… Like why God decided to make you a human…instead of a goat..

what happened when you played rock paper scissors with your imaginary friends…
Not because you were bored …but you were deeply involved in worshipping your brain…under the influence of the bong…

It was a life of cyclic misery… Like some curse your ancestors duct taped on you…rendering you useless in love….ot anything for that matter….like God had given you an extra pair of lacrymals…Rendering you prone to daily tears……like he had specifically said you are impossible to create from a rib….anyone’s rib…you’re incompatible… You are just rotting flesh…you’re just not creatable… Its like trying to fix broken bones with superglue…or a broken heart with plaster…Nada pro bono.

So let me really tell you what happened… Let me really tell you what changed…along came an Adonis…This Adonis…understood you so “poorly” that the didn’t even hear you complain about them not understanding you…if you know what I mean…

He was without difficulty he just smiled and said all is well…he took you so seriously… You didn’t even have to think because he did it for you….so perfectly for that matter…and when it reached the time that both of you were covalently bonded…you had no choice the world gave you no choice…like butter you melted within his presence comforted by the sheepish giggles that he made you experience all the time…he became one of the 72 beats of your lonely heart…

Then you met him…and the camera sure does lie….he was nothing like what you saw…he was better…his eyes were like marbles…with a little glimpse of hope….And whatever he uttered was so carefully chosen…you almost doubted your sanity…and you knew you belong together….He was your home….. He lived in your smile….And all that was left was a love that won’t fade..A flawless love… a lived love.

and it killed you inside…it still does kill you inside…because you don’t know if he is going to keep you…like you plan to …. To be continued…

NON EXPOSEE…

™Cappa

Will.

He,,,He is everything that I’m not…quiet,boring,, helpful…..very unpredictable.. But still..my best friend.
I could say he has an iron fist…because his noogie just gets by brain to harden.. Like some sort of bent pipes..inside by head..he has the kind of eyes that beckon to be looked at….they are startling brown…the astonishing bloodshot veins that surround his glowing pupils like the strings of a red stained spiderweb….the ones that you stare into and you mouth-off…the kind that consume your thoughts and you feel a sense of belonging…a kind of hope sorta roots in your thinking pattern and your feet kind of wobble..
That’s my best friend..
He is not the kind that would flinch under scrutiny.. He’s actually the kind that minds his own business..you know…taking care of his side of the street…
That’s my bestie…
So bestie…I wanna care for you ….I know hurt people really hurt people…I wanna get rid of the poisonous cluster in your life…the ones that pull your loose threads unravelling the fabric of your past..the ones that deceive you with a piece of cake…only to find its baked alaska…with no qualms of conscience running through their melanated veins..
I know ….You’ve been hurt so many times you wouldn’t know true love if it hit you in the face…and I promise to change that… I know the world eats up nice guys…so please be bad….
*Regards C.Jules.*

Untitled.

She was Detroit skinny…Detroit smart…Detroit sharp. She took her brain and heart for a run every single day…miles and miles…couple of hours.. She was the human species…the other fellow human species gave her migraine all the time….you see they kept pointing at their wrists while asking for the time….pathetic…the lover she had from the human species…always dipped in her bowl…yet they were eating the same food… Disgusting… Her generation was criticised my the old fellas from the human species…forgetting they brought her up you know….many a time she had to siphon words…from her male human species lover….tedious… She liked the ketchup plain vicious.. But they kept diluting it in the funny places they called cafés.. She used some gadget she called a phone…but the species she called pals…never replies to her texts..she lost relevance ….she had definitely lost relevance… Her morale slowly drained in the sewer…and I could do anything about it…
I’m just this guy reciting the conceited passion. I’m just…whatever my name was….
*©Cappa J 2018*

HAAZ II

continuation.. So i propose….do your worst…have me think about…you all the time…have me get confused as I tred down the side walk…have me kick bucket…..oh just to be sure; a KFC chicken bucket…out of thoughts of course….what did you do to me huh? I gave myself a week…or rather a fortnight… To get over you…but you’re still a brain worm…wriggling in my meninges many a time…I cannot grasp the works of the surrounding….you made me a walking dummy…and to think that I can’t have you…I couldn’t have you even if you were not mine from the beginning… It’s like a dog dancing to a suspended bone…salivating … Frustrated… We were never on the same page…and even if we were…you were a title…I was just the blurb I guess…you took life way from me…I don’t even yearn for fun anymore…you closed a huge chapter in my life and you don’t even know it…but what does life offer anyway…religion…education…hurt…I feel pale…anxious about everything….a mention of your name and I perspire…you’re like an adrenaline injection…but I’m still Jules… and you’re still….whatever your name was… ™CAPPA 2018

A LETTER TO MY BRAIN.

O Darly brain. Don’t I love you!! Will you be my Valentine?…Confession…I rely on you to validate me…many a time I have tortured you with paranoia and a million thoughts…diseased you with crimes of passion when I over think…but you never leave…you stay… You stick around…you are so good….so reliable…even selfless to a nauseating degree..
Brain…babe…at times I feel you deserve someone else…someone worthy of worshipping you…someone worthy…of paying a attention to you…and not your rival…the heart.
O brain..you’re so ridiculously massive…to give yourself such a ridiculously small and boring name of course…you’re so attractive…your sight always beckons my eyes… At times you anger me though…like when you kill my dreams…clip my wings when I perch to fly…or you slit my plantar ligaments when i get ready to leap….I won’t complain much…brain …babe…you helped me write this… One more complaint maybe?? At times…
Instead of facing my emotions… I act out… I actually feel so bad we have nothing in common… We are like the dead…they have nothing in common…oh they do…death is common to the dead… I’m envious that you’re in control of everything that I do.. Yet I give you accommodation and I carry you with me everywhere I go…a little thanks maybe???

*IAmZaCappaJules2018*

IMPERFECT STRANGERS.

Once upon a time we used complete each others sentences… Everything seemed so fine… Our emotions were like hell fire…..it seemed like we had the same eyes….because we never saw anything differently… So tell me… Why don’t you call anymore… Tell me… Why you are so unreal….you enclosed me in the tanks of darkness….. ..i couldn’t even breath in the amidst of hurt and conjunctivitis…. Have you ever stepped on a wet spot after wearing socks?? Have you ever… Held out your hands to a child and they pulled away…
Have you ever…. Called your dog by its name and it went to someone else… A stranger for that matter…. I have worked on my looks a million times… But it feels like its charred every single time I see because… You don’t recognise me…. It’s like trying to swallow a ball of pricks…
It’s like getting carried away from peeling the skin off my pinky finger…
It’s like… Suffocation in a cruel obsession called love… And there’s nothing one can do about it…..it’s like you train yourself not to see the good in me every time… Every time I ever cared you disappeared into the depths of yourself…..and I was so blatantly sick and blinded by my pursuits… Knowing that I was not good enough… I’ll never be good enough… And I wish I could just go numb… My thoughts… You know… say nothing for a time…..just run my fingertips along this edge of the human-shaped emptiness is slowly creeping inside me… If hurt was a choice you wouldn’t get hurt even if you wanted to…
Or maybe if you did… You’d bleed… Elegantly… Like the rich do.
*IMPERFECT STRANGERS*
*Cappa Jules 2018*

Haaz.

I was perfect… You were perfect… We were perfect… We were little benign pimples… But you grew and became a boil…. We were little… Growths…. But you grew and became a cancer…. We were little flues easily manageable… But again you grew… To become the dreadful ugly tuberculosis…you changed…. You had given me remedy and great relief… But then you took it all away… Rendering me very prone… To hurt… To tears… To puffy eyes… To a broken heart… I felt like swallowing cement…. To be honest… I still do… To plaster my broken and shredded heart…..you see you’re the conniving kind… The kind that pretends to solve a problem.. But instead… You only solve the symptoms… Hence giving time for the problem to make an advancement… Away from our vicinity of course… You see you’ll pretend to drown… Then pull the one trying to save you down with you……you see I feel like a dog… A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself….. That shows you unconditional love…. they say…..
To be continued…
*Haaz*
*©Cappa Jules 2018*